I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
