And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
