we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
