Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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