I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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