The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
