i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
