Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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