And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
