Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
