New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
