I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just cropdusted the office
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
