if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
