I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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