Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
