...so i touched it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
