ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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