Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
