I could make wine with my vomit
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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