Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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