Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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