I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
