Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
