dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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