I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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