it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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