did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
