I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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