he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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