the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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