I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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