As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
