im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
this must be what syphilis tastes like
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
