In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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