if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
dude. I can hear the air.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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