Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
