I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
