Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
