Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
