TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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