eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
