I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
