you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
