i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Watching her eat just hurts me
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
