please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
