He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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