i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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