I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
