Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
