It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
