I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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