I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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