I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
