i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
