Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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