we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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