And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
where does the pee come out of this thing
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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