The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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