just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
