so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
