this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
