I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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