I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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